Well, you can find truth in the strangest places. Even in the email jokes being passed around the office.
Bear with me one more time:
A Texas cowboy was tending to his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy... "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, ! he print s out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, ''You have exactly 1586 cows and calves.
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not.
"You're a consultant for the National Democratic Party," says the cowboy.
"Wow! That's correct,"says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?
"No guessing required," answered the cowboy, "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don't know anything about my business...
Now give me back my dog."
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Up to Jerusalem
My daughter is headed to Israel tomorrow. She jumped at the opportunity to go when John Paul Jackson announced the tour several months ago. I am excited for her because I went there on a Holy Land Tour just months after Desert Storm in 1992. It was a life changing experience.
She is already experiencing some of the same things I did. We talked about the way people react when you tell them you are going to Israel. There are three main reactions:
1. The non-believer: “What the hell are you going there for?” (while nervously laughing the same kind of laugh you would hear if you told them you were really a Martian).
2. The nominal believer: “Oh really? . . . Uh . . . that’s . . . . uh . . . . interesting. Aren’t you concerned about the violence?” (The answer to that question is, “Yes, I am, but the layover in New York is for only a couple of hours.”)
3. The spirit-filled believer: “When are you leaving? Is there still room to sign up?”
She could have gone anywhere in the world. Some friends even suggested they go to a resort destination like Cabo San Lucas or Puerto Vallarta. My daughter’s reaction was, “I’ve got money to go to one place. Why would I want to go anywhere else than Israel?”
I am excited for her because she will undoubtedly have some very unique and wonderful experiences there. As I remember my trip it is easy now to recognize that God was delighting in allowing me some experiences and showing me some scenes that he knew I would never forget.
For instance there is a famous Zion Gate that was the scene of a crucial battle in the 1967 Six Day War when the Israeli Army broke through and finally entered Jerusalem. The stones that make up this gate are filled with the pock-marked evidence of that battle. As we were huddled around our guide (a former IDF Major) and he was telling us the story, we start hearing the singing of what sounded like a youth group coming our way. Their choruses echoed between the buildings and grew louder as they approached. Male and female voices singing songs we couldn’t understand, intermixed with laughter reached us long before we could see the group. Finally they rounded a corner and headed past us. It was an army troupe. About 40 young soldiers, an equal amount of boys and girls, all fully armed with rifles or Uzi’s, marched, walked, skipped, past us in loose formation. They turned another corner and disappeared from site. Their singing and laughter faded as they went away. We were left there alone again, staring at Zion's Gate, with the old IDF major, our tour guide still talking about the miracle battle that happened there.
Now use your spiritual eyes and tell me what we saw. The significance of that whole scene affected us then. It affects me more now as I recall it. If I had do over’s I would have gone up to them and asked them to tell me who their captain was. I am not sure any of us were ready for the answer they might have given us. See Joshua 5:15.
In Israel it is not uncommon to be standing in a place where an incredible miracle had taken place. It happened in Joshua's time, and in Jesus time. At that very spot in 1967 it happened again. Were we seeing another before our eyes in 1992? I should have taken off my shoes.
She is already experiencing some of the same things I did. We talked about the way people react when you tell them you are going to Israel. There are three main reactions:
1. The non-believer: “What the hell are you going there for?” (while nervously laughing the same kind of laugh you would hear if you told them you were really a Martian).
2. The nominal believer: “Oh really? . . . Uh . . . that’s . . . . uh . . . . interesting. Aren’t you concerned about the violence?” (The answer to that question is, “Yes, I am, but the layover in New York is for only a couple of hours.”)
3. The spirit-filled believer: “When are you leaving? Is there still room to sign up?”
She could have gone anywhere in the world. Some friends even suggested they go to a resort destination like Cabo San Lucas or Puerto Vallarta. My daughter’s reaction was, “I’ve got money to go to one place. Why would I want to go anywhere else than Israel?”
I am excited for her because she will undoubtedly have some very unique and wonderful experiences there. As I remember my trip it is easy now to recognize that God was delighting in allowing me some experiences and showing me some scenes that he knew I would never forget.
For instance there is a famous Zion Gate that was the scene of a crucial battle in the 1967 Six Day War when the Israeli Army broke through and finally entered Jerusalem. The stones that make up this gate are filled with the pock-marked evidence of that battle. As we were huddled around our guide (a former IDF Major) and he was telling us the story, we start hearing the singing of what sounded like a youth group coming our way. Their choruses echoed between the buildings and grew louder as they approached. Male and female voices singing songs we couldn’t understand, intermixed with laughter reached us long before we could see the group. Finally they rounded a corner and headed past us. It was an army troupe. About 40 young soldiers, an equal amount of boys and girls, all fully armed with rifles or Uzi’s, marched, walked, skipped, past us in loose formation. They turned another corner and disappeared from site. Their singing and laughter faded as they went away. We were left there alone again, staring at Zion's Gate, with the old IDF major, our tour guide still talking about the miracle battle that happened there.
Now use your spiritual eyes and tell me what we saw. The significance of that whole scene affected us then. It affects me more now as I recall it. If I had do over’s I would have gone up to them and asked them to tell me who their captain was. I am not sure any of us were ready for the answer they might have given us. See Joshua 5:15.
In Israel it is not uncommon to be standing in a place where an incredible miracle had taken place. It happened in Joshua's time, and in Jesus time. At that very spot in 1967 it happened again. Were we seeing another before our eyes in 1992? I should have taken off my shoes.
HU's ON FIRST
Bear with me. I just can't resist taking advantage of the occasion.
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the visiting leader from China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is coming for a visit from China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is coming for a visit from China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The leader from China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is the leader from China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is coming from China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is coming from China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the leader coming from
China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is dead isn’t he? And I thought he was from the
Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the leader coming from
China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy visiting from China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the
U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we
should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get
Chinese food in the Middle East?
Originally written by James Sherman. Adapted to fit the current events.
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the visiting leader from China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is coming for a visit from China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is coming for a visit from China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The leader from China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is the leader from China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is coming from China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is coming from China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the leader coming from
China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is dead isn’t he? And I thought he was from the
Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the leader coming from
China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy visiting from China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the
U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we
should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get
Chinese food in the Middle East?
Originally written by James Sherman. Adapted to fit the current events.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
My Favorite Holiday
So, wow, Easter is coming. I love Easter. For me, the holiday serves as a renewing of my mind. It is a fresh reminder of the reality of God’s overall plan for our salvation. I have been to the Garden Tomb. Peering into it, I got to see first hand that it was empty. He is alive!! And that fact separates him from every other person who ever claimed to be the way.
But there is another holiday coming up that I think deserves as much or maybe more attention. Good Friday. Wow. Now there is a holiday. We might acknowledge it. But we don’t give it the attention it deserves. Don’t get upset, but it, in my opinion of the three days, Christmas, Easter, and Good Friday, I think it should be the one we exchange gifts on. Can you imagine people going around this Friday, hugging each other, giving each other gifts, high-fiving, saying to each other, “Happy Good Friday? Jesus died on this day!” Only to get a reply, “Yes, isn’t it wonderful?”
Let’s think about this for a minute. Do you take communion at church? You can read about the first communion in the gospels. Paul gave us more insight in 1 Corinthians 11. There is a very interesting statement there. He says in verse 26, “For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.”
Now I have to admit, every time I read or heard that verse, I really thought Paul was trying to say, “ . . . you proclaim the Lord’s death (and resurrection) until he comes.” I would hear it and think “That’s OK. I know what he really means. He means the whole Easter package.” I think I now have a clearer understanding of that. Speaking of communion, Paul encourages us to do it often. And each time we do it, proclaim his death. He then goes further and admits some there in Corinth haven’t been doing that. And the evidence of that is that some are sick and some have even died. What the . . . ?
I really like John Paul Jackson's understanding of this. In his new teaching on CD named “The Communion Effect” he goes into detail about the day of Jesus’ death. In Isaiah 53, it says “ He was wounded for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquity. By His stripes we were healed.”
Here are some questions for you. When you think about the answers, you might just high-five someone else on Good Friday.
1. Do you really understand and believe that Jesus was pierced for our sins? The thorns in His brow, the spear in His side were for all of our sins. All of them.
2. Do you have thoughts or habits that you know you shouldn’t? Have you done things that you hate to even think about? Do you feel guilty about them? Christians shouldn’t have those things, right? They are the kind of thoughts and actions that you can’t really share with anyone. Let’s face it. They are perversions. So do you really understand and believe that Jesus was deformed for our perversions? The beatings he took caused Him to be unrecognizable by the people who loved Him. The horrible stuff on the inside that deforms you doesn’t have to. It has all been paid for. God knew about your perversions. He provided for it. Jesus incredibly bore all the punishment for it. Friend, . . . . . they are all paid for.
3. Have you succumbed to the fear of sickness? We have all been attacked by sickness. Cancer attacked me. Crohn’s disease attacked my wife. No known cure for either. But we have not succumbed to the fear of them. They do not rule over us. Why? Because we know they too were paid for. Jesus paid the full price. When he took that horrible punishment, He took it for our sickness. Yours too.
So, on Friday, He did it. He paid the full price for you and me. All that nasty stuff that we did, we thought about, and we suffered were paid for completely on Friday. That didn’t happen on Christmas or Easter. Those holidays are wonderful and are all wonderful evidence of God’s plan. But Good Friday? We are free, completely free because of what Jesus did for us on that day. He died on that day. Paid in full on that day. It was the best day of our lives.
Now if you are like me, with the business of life, you forget. You get spiritually tired. You regress. You relapse. We need a reminder. Take personal communion. That’s not my theology; that is Jesus’ advice. He said “Do this often in remembrance of me.” Paul said, “Do it and proclaim His death.” By proclaiming His death we are proclaiming that it is done. When the enemy tries to bring it all back, take communion. Declare Jesus’ death. The enemy knows what that means. It’s paid for. That is the truth.
But there is another holiday coming up that I think deserves as much or maybe more attention. Good Friday. Wow. Now there is a holiday. We might acknowledge it. But we don’t give it the attention it deserves. Don’t get upset, but it, in my opinion of the three days, Christmas, Easter, and Good Friday, I think it should be the one we exchange gifts on. Can you imagine people going around this Friday, hugging each other, giving each other gifts, high-fiving, saying to each other, “Happy Good Friday? Jesus died on this day!” Only to get a reply, “Yes, isn’t it wonderful?”
Let’s think about this for a minute. Do you take communion at church? You can read about the first communion in the gospels. Paul gave us more insight in 1 Corinthians 11. There is a very interesting statement there. He says in verse 26, “For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.”
Now I have to admit, every time I read or heard that verse, I really thought Paul was trying to say, “ . . . you proclaim the Lord’s death (and resurrection) until he comes.” I would hear it and think “That’s OK. I know what he really means. He means the whole Easter package.” I think I now have a clearer understanding of that. Speaking of communion, Paul encourages us to do it often. And each time we do it, proclaim his death. He then goes further and admits some there in Corinth haven’t been doing that. And the evidence of that is that some are sick and some have even died. What the . . . ?
I really like John Paul Jackson's understanding of this. In his new teaching on CD named “The Communion Effect” he goes into detail about the day of Jesus’ death. In Isaiah 53, it says “ He was wounded for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquity. By His stripes we were healed.”
Here are some questions for you. When you think about the answers, you might just high-five someone else on Good Friday.
1. Do you really understand and believe that Jesus was pierced for our sins? The thorns in His brow, the spear in His side were for all of our sins. All of them.
2. Do you have thoughts or habits that you know you shouldn’t? Have you done things that you hate to even think about? Do you feel guilty about them? Christians shouldn’t have those things, right? They are the kind of thoughts and actions that you can’t really share with anyone. Let’s face it. They are perversions. So do you really understand and believe that Jesus was deformed for our perversions? The beatings he took caused Him to be unrecognizable by the people who loved Him. The horrible stuff on the inside that deforms you doesn’t have to. It has all been paid for. God knew about your perversions. He provided for it. Jesus incredibly bore all the punishment for it. Friend, . . . . . they are all paid for.
3. Have you succumbed to the fear of sickness? We have all been attacked by sickness. Cancer attacked me. Crohn’s disease attacked my wife. No known cure for either. But we have not succumbed to the fear of them. They do not rule over us. Why? Because we know they too were paid for. Jesus paid the full price. When he took that horrible punishment, He took it for our sickness. Yours too.
So, on Friday, He did it. He paid the full price for you and me. All that nasty stuff that we did, we thought about, and we suffered were paid for completely on Friday. That didn’t happen on Christmas or Easter. Those holidays are wonderful and are all wonderful evidence of God’s plan. But Good Friday? We are free, completely free because of what Jesus did for us on that day. He died on that day. Paid in full on that day. It was the best day of our lives.
Now if you are like me, with the business of life, you forget. You get spiritually tired. You regress. You relapse. We need a reminder. Take personal communion. That’s not my theology; that is Jesus’ advice. He said “Do this often in remembrance of me.” Paul said, “Do it and proclaim His death.” By proclaiming His death we are proclaiming that it is done. When the enemy tries to bring it all back, take communion. Declare Jesus’ death. The enemy knows what that means. It’s paid for. That is the truth.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Quest
The scene was 10 years ago. I was a 45 year old student for a month on the University of Texas campus. Campus activity looked the same as my own school (University of Oregon) 25 years earlier. I had changed though. As a 45 year old, I was aware of the spiritual atmosphere and confident of my place in it. At Oregon, when I was a young student, I was self focused and unsure of my world. Any confidence I projected, any resolve I espoused were merely generated out of the need of the moment to project and espouse confidence and resolve. Twenty-five years later I could see the same fragile masks on some of the young students as we walked through campus between classes.
On the Texas campus, there is a big lawn crisscrossed by sidewalks. Between classes it teems with a sea of students as they cross through it for the next class. At the far end is the tallest building on campus. It is at the same time famous and infamous. It is the “Clocktower Building”. If you are old enough, you might remember the first real sniper killing in our country that was covered live on television across the nation. A man had made his way up the Clocktower Building’s 23 stories with a rifle and started killing students as they crossed the lawn on their way to class. Many more would have died if it wasn’t for a couple of brave patrolmen who, armed with only a pistol and a shotgun, climbed up the 23 flights of stairs and put an end to the carnage. I was about 15 when it happened. I had not remembered or thought of it since, but when I walked on campus 30 years later and looked up to see that building, I instantly remembered. This was that building.
However as I approached it, remembering the black and white TV images, I saw something that I was not prepared for. Engraved in the marble across the face of the huge base of the building was the quote, “Know the truth and the truth will set you free.” Young students walked past, oblivious of the building’s infamy and unmoved by the huge message carved in stone before them. The scene was surreal. Oblivious students walking past a structure that had all the impact of Golgotha. A place made infamous by the mass murdering of innocent students. The same place had the message of ultimate freedom emblazoned on it.
I watched the scene before me and realized that the students represented all of us. We are all on a quest for truth. We all walk the path that represents the quest for truth, oblivious of the fact that death itself can scour the same path, seeking who it may devour. We all are somewhere between the realization of death and the revelation of the truth.
The irony of the scene was that the author of the building’s inscription was not a sponsor of academic pursuit at all. And his statement was not about the pursuit of knowledge. Nor was it a simple platitude. After all, what he was talking about is so powerful that it is the only certain and successful defense from the clocktower killer. I wanted to walk through the square, point to the inscription and ask the students, “Who do you think first said that? What do you think that means?” What was he talking about?” I didn’t stop anyone. They all had just minutes to get to their next class. They were all too focused to pay attention to some middle aged stranger.
But you’ve got time? What do you think it means?
On the Texas campus, there is a big lawn crisscrossed by sidewalks. Between classes it teems with a sea of students as they cross through it for the next class. At the far end is the tallest building on campus. It is at the same time famous and infamous. It is the “Clocktower Building”. If you are old enough, you might remember the first real sniper killing in our country that was covered live on television across the nation. A man had made his way up the Clocktower Building’s 23 stories with a rifle and started killing students as they crossed the lawn on their way to class. Many more would have died if it wasn’t for a couple of brave patrolmen who, armed with only a pistol and a shotgun, climbed up the 23 flights of stairs and put an end to the carnage. I was about 15 when it happened. I had not remembered or thought of it since, but when I walked on campus 30 years later and looked up to see that building, I instantly remembered. This was that building.
However as I approached it, remembering the black and white TV images, I saw something that I was not prepared for. Engraved in the marble across the face of the huge base of the building was the quote, “Know the truth and the truth will set you free.” Young students walked past, oblivious of the building’s infamy and unmoved by the huge message carved in stone before them. The scene was surreal. Oblivious students walking past a structure that had all the impact of Golgotha. A place made infamous by the mass murdering of innocent students. The same place had the message of ultimate freedom emblazoned on it.
I watched the scene before me and realized that the students represented all of us. We are all on a quest for truth. We all walk the path that represents the quest for truth, oblivious of the fact that death itself can scour the same path, seeking who it may devour. We all are somewhere between the realization of death and the revelation of the truth.
The irony of the scene was that the author of the building’s inscription was not a sponsor of academic pursuit at all. And his statement was not about the pursuit of knowledge. Nor was it a simple platitude. After all, what he was talking about is so powerful that it is the only certain and successful defense from the clocktower killer. I wanted to walk through the square, point to the inscription and ask the students, “Who do you think first said that? What do you think that means?” What was he talking about?” I didn’t stop anyone. They all had just minutes to get to their next class. They were all too focused to pay attention to some middle aged stranger.
But you’ve got time? What do you think it means?